Jokes

[Bob Dedmon]

I just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay




again…..

well done...making any money off it?

[Nightwatch2]

I just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay




again…..

well done...making any money off it?

It’s a recurring income stream that occasionally takes flight

[Nik_SpeakerToCats]

Finally cleared access, moved bedroom's 'temporary' rolling rail.

Found an 'Odd Sock' orphanage.

Put them all through wash, will sort / match when they're clean and dry...

[Davion Highlander]

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts. When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking asshole with a mustache!" It just so happens that Stalin's secretary, Alexander Poskrebyshev hears this. So being a loyal servant to the cause, he reports it to his boss. Stalin then orders Zhukov brought back.
Two minutes later, Zhukov is back in the room facing Stalin.
"Comrade Zhukov," begins Stalin, "would you please repeat what you said when you left the room?"
"I said 'fucking asshole with a mustache' Comrade Stalin."
"And who did you have in mind when you said it?"
"Why, Comrade Stalin, Hitler of course..."
Stalin then turns to Poskrebyshev,
"And you, Comrade Poskrebyshev, who did you have in mind when he said it?"

[jemhouston]

[Nightwatch2]

It’s a fallback position

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[Bernard Woolley]

Shamelessly nicked. Still haven’t found him, though!

[Davion Highlander]

Shamelessly nicked. Still haven’t found him, though!

they should look 3 feet up the president of the united states ass... I think thats the most likely place to find him! Or maybe at the local KGB office?

[Michael]

Shamelessly nicked. Still haven’t found him, though!

they should look 3 feet up the president of the united states ass... I think thats the most likely place to find him! Or maybe at the local KGB office?

Isn't the KGB Office already there?

[Nightwatch2]

Shamelessly nicked. Still haven’t found him, though!

they should look 3 feet up the president of the united states ass... I think thats the most likely place to find him! Or maybe at the local KGB office?

Isn't the KGB Office already there?

That’s about as funny as a case of hemorrhoids while pulling 5g’s

[Davion Highlander]

Shamelessly nicked. Still haven’t found him, though!

they should look 3 feet up the president of the united states ass... I think thats the most likely place to find him! Or maybe at the local KGB office?

Isn't the KGB Office already there?

Well the KGB office sure as hell isn't in Clacton - or Farage might actually swing by there once or twice...

[Bernard Woolley]

they should look 3 feet up the president of the united states ass... I think thats the most likely place to find him! Or maybe at the local KGB office?

Isn't the KGB Office already there?

That’s about as funny as a case of hemorrhoids while pulling 5g’s

It’s true, though.

[David Newton]

What actress has had the most punctuated career in recent history?

Spoiler!

Tilda Swinton.

[gtg947h]

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[jemhouston]

[Paul Nuttall]

[Bernard Woolley]

An M60? Ugh…she has no taste! Everyone knows the most Holy of GPMGs is the MAG/L7!

[Nik_SpeakerToCats]

One of those things that wakes you with a yell at 'Oh-Dark-Thirty'...
This time, not for an urgent wash-room visit or a wondrous tale's seed...
Sorta solo version of 'Hold Ma Beer...'
"Hmm: I Wonder If..."

Yeah, verily, given a modicum of coaxing, those chunky in-line springy-thingies *do* come apart.
And, given rather more encouragement, an M4 'Small Lifting Eye' may be threaded onto a 'hairpin' and coaxed down spring.

Thus saving the inch or two for carabiner or screw link...

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[Nik_SpeakerToCats]

Buy a six-pack of eggs, coax it into *top* of carrier bag lest it be crushed.
Get home, discover 'secure' box has opened itself, now only holds *FIVE* eggs.
Warily unpack laden bag, fearing broken egg.
Dread growing, reach the bottom.
Huh ??
I'd shoved my winter hat into the bag lest sweat too much in Budget Mall.
And there, nested snuggle among the scrunched hat's lining, the stray egg.
Unbroken !
UNBROKEN !!

Of course, when I picked up box to return egg, that *again* opened itself, required some juggling...
Thus warned, I realised every time I went *near* that box, it would try to 'yolk' me.
No Way !!
"Fool me ONCE, shame on You: Fool me TWICE, shame on *Me* !!"...
Grabs bungee toggle off hook...

IMGP0544_10.jpg

[Nik_SpeakerToCats]

Neighbour and I got to talking about Drone warfare, and the latest Ukrainian tanker attacks.
He reckoned first 'Drone' was V_1.
As V_1 simply gyro steered, I suggested the Luftwaffe 'Glide Bomb', dropped by 'Mother Plane', steered by TV. Caused some problems on D-Day, doing 'Hit & Run' attacks ?
Then there was the US version, with frequency-hopping invented by a very clever actress wearing one of her other hats. Heddy Lamarr ??
Also famous as was documented by *that* Ronald Reagan who, in passing, talent-spotted Technician named Norma Greene. Who, before later spiral of medical problems caused by endometriosis, was *much* cleverer than oft-ditzy look.

I mentioned the WW_1 'Kettering Bug' which, like better tanks, did not see significant service before German collapse.

He laughed, offered vile Medieval sieges, whose trebuchets tossed diseased animals, prisoners' heads and even wild-bee hives.

I countered with the Roman approach to drone warfare: Bagpipes...