Jokes

[MikeKozlowski]

FM CAESAR TIBERIUS ROME
TO PREFECT JUDEA JERUSALEM
SUBJ//OPREP-IIIB BEELINE//
RMKS//TURKEY TROTS TO WATER WHERE RPT WHERE IS JESUS OF NAZARETH THE WORLD WONDERS

BT


NNNN

...The purported conversation between a US Marine and a Royal Marine:

RM: "My unit is so old that we pulled guard duty at Jesus' tomb."

USMC: "If we'd have had the duty he wouldn't have gotten away."

Mike

[Bernard Woolley]

The senior line regiment in the British Army, The Royal Scots (now part of The Royal Regiment of Scotland) had the nickname Pontius Pilate's Bodyguard.

[Paul Nuttall]

Meanwhile in Glasgow

[jemhouston]

Meanwhile in Glasgow

10/10 !

[gtg947h]

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the toughest soldiers around and decides to check them out.

After reviewing the troops on parade he visits the medical tent to meet the soldiers there.

The general barks at the first soldier, "Why are you here, soldier?"

"Hemorrhoids, Sir!"

"And how are you treating that?"

"Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!"

"And what's your goal in life?"

"To kill the enemy Sir!"

Impressed, the general asks the next soldier, "Why are you here?"

"Genital warts, Sir!"

"And how are you treating it?"

"Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!"

"And what's your goal in life?"

"To kill the enemy, Sir!"

Once again the general is impressed and moves on to the last soldier.

"And why are you here?"

"Gum disease, Sir!"

"And how are you treating it?"

"Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!"

"And what's your goal in life?"

"To beat those other two to the wire brush, Sir!"

[Timbo W]

Ah a Billy Conolly classic!!

[jemhouston]

No good can come from this

https://www.instagram.com/p/DM8h4cjK4gd ... _copy_link

[Zen9]

Recently saw this on Facebook. Gave me a laugh.
---------
GPT-5 just refactored my entire codebase in one call.
25 tool invocations. 3000+ new lines.
12 brand new files.
It modularised everything. Broke up monoliths. Cleaned up spaghetti.

None of it worked.
But damn it was beautiful.

[Nik_SpeakerToCats]

Struck by an wave of whimsy, now I can again see suburban avians strutting along neighbours' gutters...
We have Dog-Days.
We have Donkeys' Years.
We even have Pig Eons...

[Belushi TD]

If you ever see two large, black birds stuck together, you may rest assured that they are velcrows.

Belushi TD

[Nightwatch2]

If you ever see two large, black birds stuck together, you may rest assured that they are velcrows.

Belushi TD

That’s a murder of a joke

[Belushi TD]

If you ever see two large, black birds stuck together, you may rest assured that they are velcrows.

Belushi TD

That’s a murder of a joke

Only if you tell it at least three times.......

[Nightwatch2]

If you ever see two large, black birds stuck together, you may rest assured that they are velcrows.

Belushi TD

That’s a murder of a joke

Only if you tell it at least three times.......

If you do that Betelgeuse will go Supernova

[PLB]

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how things work.


Paul

[gtg947h]

Not really a joke, I think...

1750008928777.png

[kdahm]

Not really a joke, I think...

1750008928777.png

The really annoying, and interesting, thing is that I saw that and wondered what the original painting was since it looked familiar. My thinking was that it was Dutch, probably early to mid 1700's, and so went on a google dive for over an hour exploring that. That led to looking over the works of Frans Hals, because the style seemed very similar, to no avail.

Finally plugged it into google image search, and out popped

Spoiler!

Portrait of Juan de Pareja by Valasquez, 1650

, which actually made sense and I could see it.

[Craiglxviii]

A Czech goes to the optician who shows him a card with the letters
CZWXNQSTACZ
"Can you read this?" the optician asks.
"Read it?"
the Czech replies,
"I know the guy!"

[Bernard Woolley]

<Takes cover>

[Nik_SpeakerToCats]

Due to a modest misunderstanding, the White House acquires vast 'Ball Pit' rather than 'Ball Room'...

[Nightwatch2]

I just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay




again…..