MIKEYVERSE: Season’s Greetings.

[MikeKozlowski]

MIKEYVERSE: SEASON'S GREETINGS
by Mike Kozlowski

USS STAR EMPIRE
NCC-2116
STARDATE 221221.9
IN ORBIT OVER KRONOS

Captain John Lyle slowly inhaled the aroma of his coffee before savoring a few delicious, warming sips, the smells and taste taking him back home for a few precious moments before he was brought, rather forcefully, back to the present by the sound of the 1MC letting the crew know that the yoga and mediation classes for today were still being held on the rec deck.

Putting his coffee cup back in its saucer, Lyle looked at the monitor on the desk before him, taking in the multiterabytes of data displayed which, when compiled together and evaluated, told him that yes, his ship was still in orbit and everyone was safe warm and dry. And despite more than a century of refinement, they still hadn't figured out a better way to confirm it. Lyle scanned the various columns and rows that showed, in excruciating detail, what was going on this morning. One jumped out at him; the personal use of comm channels between crew members and their families spread across the Federation had jumped dramatically in the last few days. No real surprise there, Lyle thought. They were supposed to have been home a week ago, but their visit was extended by at least thirty days, and was probably going to go longer. StarFleet didn't mind the messages that much, and this time of year they were willing to be a little more understanding, but this was a hell of a jump.

Probably almost all from his Terran crew, too, he thought. Lyle had the good sense to send his family and friends their presents at the beginning of November, having had more than a few Christmases cancelled on the whim of some killjoy in Fleet Ops. And when that happened, all one could do was make it as easy as possible for those who were still on the line. For instance, the galley was planning a spectacular spread for Christmas Day, replicated though it may be, and caroling through the ship was planned for Christmas Eve. Mister Senar, his hyperlogical science officer, had dryly pointed out that most of the crew was incapable of carrying a melody with a tractor beam. Lyle, in turn, had pointed out that as true as that may be, he had yet to meet a Vulcan who could comprehend 'Merry Christmas."

Senar hadn't said anything, and instead simply sat quietly for the rest of the staff meeting just giving Lyle the occasional sideeye, knowing he'd been had but not quite able to grasp how.

Now, then. One more sip of coffee, and then to work -

- Which lasted all of thirty seconds before his cabin hatch beeped. Lyle's eyeroll was frankly reflexive, but he composed himself and said, "Come!"

The doors hissed open, and a massive obsidian shape filled the hatch in the form of Commander Kapek, the Klingon Deep Space Fleet liason officer assigned to them for this trip. His gloved hand slammed into his breastplate in the traditional Klingon salute in a crash that startled crewmembers five frames away as he barked, "I would speak to you!"

Lyle smiled tightly and replied, "My day would be incomplete without it, Commander. Please...", gesturing to the seat beside his desk. Kapek was big, even for a Klingon, and his steps rattled the deck as he strode to the chair, sitting as awkwardly as an adult trying to fit in an elementary school seat. Kapek's face was dark and set, but Lyle reflected that this was, in fact, Kapek's standard expression, which passed for everything from anger to....well, anger. Like most of the Klingon liason officers, he was torn between doing his duty and a lingering sense of embarassment and shame that the Federation had rescued them, and it always showed.

"How may I help you, Commander?"

Kapek leaned forward and smacked his hand on Lyle's desk. It didn't quite crack the DuraPlast surface, which meant Kapek was being unusually restrained today. "You shall tell me of crispness!"

Lyle gently inclined his head towards Kapek, and with the most benevolent expression he could muster asked, "Kapek, did you mean...'Christmas'?

Kapek blinked uncertainly. "Your holy day does not have two names?"

"Nope. It's always been 'Christmas'. Where did you get..."

"Lieutenant DuChesne in Shuttlecraft Operations. He distinctly said 'crispness'."

"Ah. Lieutenant DuChesne is from a region of Terra known as Louisiana, and an ethnic group known as Cajuns. Their accent can be somewhat...indecipherable to those who do not know them. It's a very understandable mistake. What exactly did you wish to know about it?"

"Everything!"

Lyle thought for a second, and realized that he was going to be here for a while. If nothing else, Kapek was damned conscientious, and if he wanted to know everything about Christmas, then he wasn't leaving until he was satisfied. Well, in the interest of better relations and all that. Lyle held up a pausing finger then turned to the replicator and said, "One Klingon ratkajino, with chocolate." As the replicator hummed, Kapek actually allowed his face to shift into something vaguely resembling a smile, and Lyle mentally patted himself on the back. Diplomacy and chocolate - works every time.

TO BE CONTINUED....

[Craiglxviii]

Oooh!! I likey!

And tell me, is STAR EMPIRE the DN she appears as in the Franz Joseph manual?

[Johnnie Lyle]

Lies, damn lies, and slander. Tea? Tea?!? I’ll have you know that “using a warp core to turn a star onto a toroid” science experiment was to brew coffee, sir!



Will Captain Lyle reveal to Commander Kapek the true meaning of Christmas, that it’s a good day to cross a frozen river under cover of darkness in order to kill your enemies?

[Johnnie Lyle]

Oooh!! I likey!

And tell me, is STAR EMPIRE the DN she appears as in the Franz Joseph manual?

Oh no no no no no.

This is STAR EMPIRE:

01E06973-7ED6-4E1E-B332-9C1EFF8B2372.jpeg

6329BDC2-FB60-49FB-A502-827443A9EEDF.jpeg

105D39DE-46A2-4EDF-B3BC-1B911719CA26.jpeg

http://www.ussalbion.co.uk/federation.html

[MikeKozlowski]

Lies, damn lies, and slander. Tea? Tea?!? I’ll have you know that “using a warp core to turn a star onto a toroid” science experiment was to brew coffee, sir!



Will Captain Lyle reveal to Commander Kapek the true meaning of Christmas, that it’s a good day to cross a frozen river under cover of darkness in order to kill your enemies?

John,

A thousand pardons, brief temporal anomaly, you know the drill.

Mike

[Johnnie Lyle]

Lies, damn lies, and slander. Tea? Tea?!? I’ll have you know that “using a warp core to turn a star onto a toroid” science experiment was to brew coffee, sir!



Will Captain Lyle reveal to Commander Kapek the true meaning of Christmas, that it’s a good day to cross a frozen river under cover of darkness in order to kill your enemies?

John,

A thousand pardons, brief temporal anomaly, you know the drill.

Mike

Vulcans mystics got to the replicators again.

[Craiglxviii]

Oooh!! I likey!

And tell me, is STAR EMPIRE the DN she appears as in the Franz Joseph manual?

Oh no no no no no.

This is STAR EMPIRE:
01E06973-7ED6-4E1E-B332-9C1EFF8B2372.jpeg
6329BDC2-FB60-49FB-A502-827443A9EEDF.jpeg105D39DE-46A2-4EDF-B3BC-1B911719CA26.jpeg
http://www.ussalbion.co.uk/federation.html

A refitted DN then…

[Johnnie Lyle]

Oooh!! I likey!

And tell me, is STAR EMPIRE the DN she appears as in the Franz Joseph manual?

Oh no no no no no.

This is STAR EMPIRE:
01E06973-7ED6-4E1E-B332-9C1EFF8B2372.jpeg
6329BDC2-FB60-49FB-A502-827443A9EEDF.jpeg105D39DE-46A2-4EDF-B3BC-1B911719CA26.jpeg
http://www.ussalbion.co.uk/federation.html

A refitted DN then…

Yup.

Though Mike has neither confirmed nor denied whether the Federation has these bad boys in the Mikeyverse:

Refit image here: https://trekcreative.fandom.com/wiki/Battleship

[MikeKozlowski]

Oh no no no no no.

This is STAR EMPIRE:
01E06973-7ED6-4E1E-B332-9C1EFF8B2372.jpeg
6329BDC2-FB60-49FB-A502-827443A9EEDF.jpeg105D39DE-46A2-4EDF-B3BC-1B911719CA26.jpeg
http://www.ussalbion.co.uk/federation.html

A refitted DN then…

Yup.

Though Mike has neither confirmed nor denied whether the Federation has these bad boys in the Mikeyverse:

Refit image here: https://trekcreative.fandom.com/wiki/Battleship

They are in fact refitted DNs, and their full designation is DNGX. Only two DNs were refitted to to horrifying costs and delays, but they are widely acknowledged - even, grudgingly, by the Klingons - as the most powerful and lethal ships in the known galaxy. With their drone armament they are capable of standing off even outside the range of plasma torpedos and essentially bludgeoning even the DSF's Invincible class BBs into scrap metal.

As far as the Federation BBs go, it's...complicated. The BB's were authorized as uprated Excelsiors, and unlike the Invincibles, they were very carefully laid out and weren't giants simply for the sake of being giants. Four were authorized - Serapis (class leader), Shiva, Prosperina, and Morrigan. Construction started easily enough, though it was understood that it would be slow - specialized docks had to be built for them, and then as time went by fairly serious structural problems kept popping up. Serapis' original IOC date of 2291 kept slipping, and that in turn led to knock-on effects with the other ships.

The end result was a StarFleet report at Serapis' commissioning just before the Praxis Incident: The Serapis class could likely take on and defeat any race's fleet in the galaxy and do so outnumbered ten to one - but they represented the absolute upper limit of starship size with current technology and that left them possibly vulnerable in combat due to unforeseen structural issues. The other three ships were considered too far along to scrap, and sending them directly into mothballs was still politically unacceptable.

StarFleet decided to complete all three remaining vessels on a slowed-down basis, and Morrigan wasn't finally commissioned until 31 Dec 2300. The ships are in 'warm storage' - that is, maintained at forward starbases in the Federation with skeleton who primarily maintain them in good shape until they may be needed. Each ship does a thirty-day cruise annually with Reserve crews bringing them up to full speed and doing a complete checkout of all systems. As of this writing (2305) they will likely be reduced to inactive reserve in the very near future.

Mike

[jemhouston]

I figured out the prefect Christmas gift for most Klingons that don't involve spill blood, a Kukri.

[Craiglxviii]

I figured out the prefect Christmas gift for most Klingons that don't involve spill blood, a Kukri.

Klingons & Gurkhas… that’s a scary thought!

[Johnnie Lyle]

I figured out the prefect Christmas gift for most Klingons that don't involve spill blood, a Kukri.

Klingons & Gurkhas… that’s a scary thought!

Nah, Klingons are hussars. Hard fighting, hard partying, though Klingons lack a certain sartorial elegance.

[MikeKozlowski]

Kapek settled into his seat the best he could, but the chocolate ratkajino was doing a wonderful job of settling him down. Lyle remembered briefly that a great many xenobiologists firmly believed that cocoa had a tranquilizing effect on Klingons, and his experience - though thoroughly unscientific in nature - tended to back that up. After a long, slow sip, Kapek turned back to him and said, "Now - you will tell me of Christmas."

Lyle nodded and tapped his keyboard while turning the monitor towards Kapek. Scenes of Christmases past and present moved steadily across the screen as Lyle explained, "Christmas is a mostly Terran holiday whose roots go back about twenty-three hundred years. According to tradition, a child was born of divine origin to bring peace on Earth and goodwill to all men."

"Hmmph," Kapek snorted. "As I understand your history, he did a poor job."

Lyle winced slightly at that, but pressed on. "Be that as it may, his job performance is not the subject here. The point was that...well, we were given something higher to work towards, and the traditions around the holiday reinforce that. The giving of gifts, the gathering of families,...if nothing else, just one season a year where we can try to be our better angels." Lyle paused the video display and gestured towards the screen. "Many of the modern Christmas traditions go back to a Terran author of the nineteenth century named Charles Dickens, who wrote a book called 'A Christmas Carol'. It is about a cruel, avaricious man who is visited by the ghosts of his former partner and three other spirits to teach him the true meaning of Christmas."

"Spirits, you say? They tortured him unmercifully, I am sure."

"Not physically, no. More teaching him a lesson. Afterwards, he became a good man who lived the spirit of Christmas all year - kind, generous, and happy."

Kapek raised one eyebrow. "You are telling me that four spirits came all the way from the afterlife simply to teach him a lesson, then returned leaving him no scars nor pain as a reminder? What is the point?"

Lyle composed his thoughts. "The point, Kapek, is that he was shown the error of his ways, and he became a better person for it. Moving on..."
The screen showed the classic Coca-Cola Santa Claus, and Lyle paused it again. "A fairly universal symbol of the season is this - Saint Nicholas, also known as Santa Claus."

Kapek brightened considerably. "Claws?"

"No. 'Claus', as in a..diminutive of his name, Nicholas. According to tradition, he travels on Christmas Eve to bring gifts to children everywhere."

"Everywhere?"

"Everywhere."

"Across the entire Federation?"

"Yep."

"He does NOT. A single being cannot travel everywhere in enough time to give gifts to every child in the Federation; it flatly defies every law of nature and science I know of!"

"Kapek, Santa is mythical. He is a...well, a concept rather than an actual being - though in fairness, over the years several learned papers have been written about just how he might be able to -"

"WHO IS THAT???" Kapek pointed towards the screen, surprising Lyle, who in turn looked to see a Victorian era picture of a tall, horned figure who looked like he had escaped from Hell itself, spanking two chubby and presumably bad children. Lyle cleared his throat and said, "That is Krampus -"

Kapek was truly smiling now. "He has a 'K' name, he is a warrior!! "

Lyle rubbed his temple as he replied, "No, Krampus is NOT a warrior. He is....well, he is a supernatural being who in some traditions travels with Santa Claus and plays cruel pranks or tricks on bad children to get them to behave better."

Kapek peered closely at the graphic. "He has horns. He has hooves. He wears black. He looks. Like. A Warrior."

"Nope. Santa's occasional sidekick at best. He does have one redeeming purpose, and that is to convince children to be better next year."

Kapek considered this for a moment, then asked, "How does Santa know who to give gifts to?"

"According to tradition, he has a list of who has been naughty or nice, and acts accordingly."

Kapek nodded. "That is reasonable. Surveillance would be very wise."

"Kapek, there is no actual list. Again, it is a traditional concept intended to convince children to behave."

"Klingon children are always well behaved. Such a list would be unnecessary."

"Terran children don't always live up to that standard."

Kapek sat quietly for a moment, considering everything he had learned, then looked at Lyle and said, "To clarify: gifts should go to all, but there is no actual list of who has been good or bad?"

"Right."

"And it is up to individuals to give gifts, not Santa."

"Again, correct."

A long pause this time. "And it is..." Kapek searched for the word, "...good to give gifts for no other reason than the kindness of doing so?"

Lyle's smile was genuine as he leaned back in his chair and said, "Kapek, I think you've got it." Kapek in turned, grinned from ear to ear, and believe me when I tell you that one can tell when a Klingon smile is genuine. Rising to his full height, Kapek folded his arms and announced, "I wish to observe Christmas with your crew!"

Lyle gulped and replied, "Kapek, it would be an honor for me and my crew for you to do so -"

"I shall need an aide!"

"That's not a...normal request for Christmas, but consider it done. I'll make the necessary arrangements, and in the meantime please consider my ship and its resources yours."

"You are a man of Christmas honor, John Lyle - I shall live up to your highest traditions!" And with that, Kapek saluted and marched out the door.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

[Belushi TD]

I can't tell if its going to be a learning experience for Kapek or a hilarious disaster of epic proportions.

Either way, I'm hooked.

Belushi TD

[jemhouston]

I can't tell if its going to be a learning experience for Kapek or a hilarious disaster of epic proportions.

Either way, I'm hooked.

Belushi TD

Yes

[Craiglxviii]

NOW SIT ON SANTA’S KNEE AND TELL ME, HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD TRANSPORTER OPERATOR?

Err yes

THEN YOU SHALL HAVE THIS GIFT! QA’PLA! MERRY CHRISTMAS! NEXT!

[MikeKozlowski]

NOW SIT ON SANTA’S KNEE AND TELL ME, HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD TRANSPORTER OPERATOR?

Err yes

THEN YOU SHALL HAVE THIS GIFT! QA’PLA! MERRY CHRISTMAS! NEXT!

Craig,

You have no idea.

Mike

[Johnnie Lyle]

IMG_3073.jpg

0D849966-349A-499A-9539-1BE368F56973.jpeg

[Johnnie Lyle]

A refitted DN then…

Yup.

Though Mike has neither confirmed nor denied whether the Federation has these bad boys in the Mikeyverse:

Refit image here: https://trekcreative.fandom.com/wiki/Battleship

They are in fact refitted DNs, and their full designation is DNGX. Only two DNs were refitted to to horrifying costs and delays, but they are widely acknowledged - even, grudgingly, by the Klingons - as the most powerful and lethal ships in the known galaxy. With their drone armament they are capable of standing off even outside the range of plasma torpedos and essentially bludgeoning even the DSF's Invincible class BBs into scrap metal.

As far as the Federation BBs go, it's...complicated. The BB's were authorized as uprated Excelsiors, and unlike the Invincibles, they were very carefully laid out and weren't giants simply for the sake of being giants. Four were authorized - Serapis (class leader), Shiva, Prosperina, and Morrigan. Construction started easily enough, though it was understood that it would be slow - specialized docks had to be built for them, and then as time went by fairly serious structural problems kept popping up. Serapis' original IOC date of 2291 kept slipping, and that in turn led to knock-on effects with the other ships.

The end result was a StarFleet report at Serapis' commissioning just before the Praxis Incident: The Serapis class could likely take on and defeat any race's fleet in the galaxy and do so outnumbered ten to one - but they represented the absolute upper limit of starship size with current technology and that left them possibly vulnerable in combat due to unforeseen structural issues. The other three ships were considered too far along to scrap, and sending them directly into mothballs was still politically unacceptable.

StarFleet decided to complete all three remaining vessels on a slowed-down basis, and Morrigan wasn't finally commissioned until 31 Dec 2300. The ships are in 'warm storage' - that is, maintained at forward starbases in the Federation with skeleton who primarily maintain them in good shape until they may be needed. Each ship does a thirty-day cruise annually with Reserve crews bringing them up to full speed and doing a complete checkout of all systems. As of this writing (2305) they will likely be reduced to inactive reserve in the very near future.

Mike

USS Serapis:

IMG_3070.jpg

[Johnnie Lyle]

"Hmmph," Kapek snorted. "As I understand your history, he did a poor job."

I can’t tell if he approves or disapproves of the poor job. Terran history must either amaze or very secretly terrify Klingons, seeing as how we have none of their natural martial advantages and yet are so bloody good at war.